Isabelle Halmos

Keep it to Yourself

Keep it to Yourself is the second in a three-part series of oil paintings about my personal experience and healing process from sexual harassment and assault. To represent the suffocating feeling that overwhelmed me when I was 18, this painting features myself underwater and covered in dying flowers to symbolize how I felt like I only existed as an over-sexualized being.

“Take the Long Way Home is a self-portrait series about the impact of being objectified and sexually assaulted from a young age. The three paintings feature myself at age 13 when I was first exposed to negative attention from men, age 18 when I felt that I was the most affected, and now as a 21-year-old who is ready to heal. Water is used as a symbol for being in the deep end of my body dysmorphia and self-objectification, which is shown first through looking at my reflection in a pond, entering the pond and drowning, and finally getting out of the water in the last painting. I have also used the symbol of flowers which represents the unruined version of myself before I was hyper-sexualized. The dying flowers in the second painting therefore represent the ruined version of myself where I was constantly surveillant and objectifying my own body as a result of being sexually harassed and assaulted. In the final painting, I have used mushrooms as a symbol because they grow out of decaying matter, which represents how although I am not yet reblooming with flowers, I am ready to start healing. My reflection in the water in each painting helps to portray the confusion I have felt about my body throughout the years, with the final painting having the most realistic reflection. My gaze shifts throughout the series from looking at my reflection in the first and second paintings to looking the viewer in the eyes in the final painting. This is to show that I’m no longer concerned with the male gaze and I’m even daring the viewer to say something about me.”