Faculty of Art

Drawing and Painting

Ivana Tovilla-Bátiz

"DEJECTION" DIPTYCH

I welcome you to my graduation pieces: a diptych about grief and post-traumatic stress through the eyes of self-portraiture. This dual composition explores the wounds and the healing process I went through after losing my best friend to mental illness at 17 years old.

“Everyone talks about a positive and a negative side to even the worst of situations but, in this case, I could not find that. I was overcome with grief, overwhelmed by unanswered questions, drowning in anger while trying to forgive, wishing that I, too, could disappear. After years of carrying this distress with me everywhere I went, I finally gathered the courage to confront the haunting tones of my inner self. The result are these pieces, a dual exploration of who I was then, and who I have become now. Placed side by side, a positive and a negative that speak to the ambivalence of grief and growth, these images respond to the polarizing feelings I dealt with during the time of my life where I felt the most alone. Using dry mediums, such as charcoal, soft pastel, ink, and graphite, I developed drawings to replicate an edited photograph of myself taken shortly after my friend's passing. The obsessive repetition process in my works served a healing purpose in this case. By facing and manipulating my own image of grief over and over again, I managed to visually challenge myself and produce a harrowing reflection that, I hope, needs no words to be conveyed. ”