Ellejae Jimenez
04 Unmasking
Fabrication
2022
Fungi, vacuum formed acrylic sheets and yarn
48" x 8" x 3" and 6" x 2.5" x 2.5"
“ADHD masking may also be called ‘camouflaging.’ This is when someone with ADHD tries to cover up their symptoms by copying the behaviours of people who don't have it. ADHD masking may be a way for some people with ADHD to fit in socially, avoid being stigmatized, or feel more accepted.”
“Time flows through this piece in the way it does in the grids of a calendar, the days of the week, through decay, my nonlinear grasp of time, and feeling like I lost so much of it. I reflect on my relationship with medication and honouring the unsightly traits of my ADHD. I join together two aspects of my ADHD and how they contrast with their relation to time. My hyperfixations take me into an intense focus, bordering on obsession, which crowds my brain with only thoughts of that specific thing which can last weeks to even several months. On the other hand, anything that doesn't fall under that fixation completely dissipates, neglected and is subject to the consequences of passing time. Crocheting was a fixation that eventually led to knee issues from the unending stitches, poor seating positions and no breaks because of how easily I lost track of time. Using a grid stitch pattern, I replicated a weekly pill organizer which holds clear vacuum formed capsules containing mouldy cheese. These capsules put out on display a tendency I have to forget food in containers that would be completely rotten by the time I remembered they existed. This was a habit I would constantly get in trouble for as a teenager and it has brought me shame as it persisted even in my adulthood. Even though I implement numerous methods to help manage the traits that make things difficult, eventually that method will stop working and I have to figure out another alternative. For instance, the pill organizer was supposed to help me remember to take my medication, which worked for a little while but became less effective overtime, hence the four remaining capsules.Often, there are feelings of grief that arise when one is diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. All at once, I was relieved, validated and, simultaneously, I mourned for myself. There are many factors that play into a missed diagnosis, one particular coping mechanism that makes ADHD difficult to spot is masking. After so much research and introspection, I was able to finally see and understand the methods I developed to mask my traits and how it contributed to the constant burnout, anxiety, and depression. I couldn’t help but ruminate on the things I could have accomplished, the person I could have been if only I found out earlier. Once I began treatment and I had something to compare to, I was able to see what it was like to be functional but I feared reliance and dependency on my stimulants. Overtime, even though so much has improved since being medicated, I realized that it wasn’t as simple and I wasn’t giving myself the credit for my own efforts to learn and adapt. Then I began to wonder, if I had gotten the proper accommodations, if people had been more understanding, more patient, if I wasn’t held to a neurotypical standard, if it wasn’t constantly framed as a personal failing or ‘not trying hard enough’, if I wasn’t reduced to being lazy, or if we didn’t live in a system that quantifies your value as a person based on your efficiency and functionality, would expensive medication be necessary?”