Faculty of Art

Drawing and Painting

Abrar Al Mouktaran

will we ever be fine?

This piece delves into the complexities of personal identity, emotional struggle, and familial dynamics through the lens of an oil painting depicting various versions of the self. The scene, set in the narrator's bedroom, portrays five figures representing different stages of the narrator's life, all conveying a sense of unease and disengagement.

“"will we ever be fine?" Set in my current bedroom, the oil painting portrays five figures seated around the room, each displaying clear disinterest and a lack of engagement with one another. These figures represent different versions of myself in different life stages, all conveying a sense of unease. The younger selves make eye contact with the viewer to evoke guilt, aiming to make every adult feel responsible, as I have always struggled with assigning blame. The older versions appear in denial and avoid eye contact, having learned to navigate life independently and being capable of taking care of themselves. Yet all five figures feel unsafe and watched in their own space, lacking trust in anyone. Additionally, two versions of my cat are depicted in the same room, providing comfort and adding depth to my life. The use of oil pastels in the painting supports the themes of lost innocence and childhood, lending a deliberately childish and vandalized aesthetic to the work. The fact that there are five figures also symbolizes my family of five members, reflecting the dynamics and complexities within my household.The reference images used to create the younger figures in this painting were digital reproductions of the original photographs retrieved from the red box, which had been buried underground in my family's abandoned basement and was found about 10 years later in good condition. I aimed to allocate a space in my painting to depict the box and emphasize its significance.In my family, we never discuss our experiences, avoiding any mention of the past and denying the existence of trauma. Consequently, I am left grappling with a whirlwind of emotions that I struggle to navigate. I find myself feeling moody and, at times, unable to comprehend my own behavior. It’s about the effects of war on my relationship with my own self.”